writing – SENSIBLE FOOL

An Open Letter to Myself

I’ve chosen not to go after things for fear of rejection. I have gone after things I knew I’d succeed in so not to lose or be rejected; all based on a conditioning by broken people.

What you will read below is a note I wrote in my phone to process my thoughts about my fear of rejection. It’s not going to be well organized. It’s my thoughts nonetheless.

I’m putting this up here in an effort to be vulnerable, transparent, and encourage someone who can relate. When I’m in places in which I can’t express myself, I write. I write to understand what I’m feeling and come to a place of resolution. So, here goes.

“I think I have a fear of rejection. I can trace it all the way back to when I was a child.

I remember pulling out of the student council race for president because I thought I’d lose. I don’t invite people places because of fear of rejection. I never wanted to throw parties because of fear of rejection. What if they don’t show up? They’d be rejecting me because they think I’m not worthy of showing up for.

In various seasons of my life, it’s been communicated to me that I’m not good enough to other people. That my voice doesn’t matter. That my interests were lame. That I was almost pretty, but not actually pretty. That I was almost cool, but not quite.

This is sad because I’ve let it rule my life for way too long. I’ve chosen not to go after things for fear of rejection. I have gone after things I knew I’d succeed in so not to lose or be rejected; all based on a conditioning by broken people. How are broken people going to tell me what I’m worth? I’m worth the very GOD of heaven coming down to save me. That’s invaluable. No one can ever provide that for me.

So, I’m not broken. I’m whole in Him.
I’m not rejected. I’m accepted by Him.
I’m not unworthy. I’m worth it because of Him.
I’m not pathetic. I have purpose in Him.

God has already planned amazing things for me to do. Some will seem glorious, others not as much. But it’s what He has planned. And I’ll be glad in it. I don’t have to shrink back and pretend I’m not worthy of what is mine. Instead, I will step up and fully embrace that which God has called me to. I am more than enough.”

Here’s the thing. God loves you. Passionately. Everlastingly. Unconditionally. This matters above all else.

It doesn’t matter what people have said or done to you. You don’t have to believe them. Any thought or idea lower than God’s idea about you is a lie. God knows you the way no human will ever know you.

David, King of Israel, was a man with many issues but a heart set to please God. He understood that despite his shortcomings, his inward sin, his outward sin, rumors about him, betrayal, and his lowest points that God knew him and loved him still. David had done some terrible things in his life; things that many of would hate ourselves for. David knew that what others thought about him and what he thought about himself had to be subject to what God knew about him.

Read below what David was expressing about God’s intimate knowledge of him and you too!

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

Psalm 139:1-18

May you leave this believing the best about your Father and who He created you to be. Be blessed.

10 Things To Know About Me

I never know what to say when someone asks me to tell them about myself. Technically, no one asked me; but y’all gone learn today!

This feels strange.

I never know what to say when someone asks me to tell them about myself. Technically, no one asked me; but y’all gone learn today! Normally, when someone asks me to talk about myself, I stick to things that are safe; things that don’t require much vulnerability. I won’t promise I’ll spill my entire heart today; but I’ll share some things about me (10 things to be exact).

I’ve got to at least introduce myself at some point.

Hi! My name is Darveiye Michel Flemming (We can talk about the pronunciation another time). I’m the creator of this blog, Sensible Fool. How ever you’ve found your way here, thank you. I appreciate every like, comment, share, question, and critique. It means a lot. So, thank you for your support!

Leggo.

1. I grew up with 2 older brothers and 4 younger sisters; all of which names start with ‘D.’ (Durell, Diante, Darveiye, DeShara, Danielle, Drew, and Destiny) Shout out to y’all! Y’all are the best.

2. I was born in Chicago. However, honestly, I don’t really claim Chi-town like that. I’m an Okie.

3. I began my relationship with Christ when I was 5. It’s a beautiful story. I’ll have to tell it on here one day.

4. I went through a few lengthy periods of atheism in which I genuinely believed God wasn’t real.

5. My favorite colors are blue and green. I believe they’re the most natural beautiful colors.

6. I play keys and guitar. Music has always been a passion of mine; worship moreso.

7. I speak English and Spanish; and a little bit of a lot of different languages. Entonces, si hable español, háblame para que yo podría practicar. ¡Besos!

8. I love film. I often have very spirited discussions about it. So, be prepared.

9. My favorite animals are tigers and great white sharks. I plan to swim with sharks at some point in my life. Sharks are also another subject you can prepare to get into an argument with me. Don’t ask. Or do. The choice is yours.

10. I teach precious immigrant and refugee children English as a second language. It’s incredibly rewarding and challenging. They keep me laughing and constantly asking myself, “what the heck is going on?”

11. BONUS. I’ve danced hip-hop for the majority of my life. Don’t ask me to show you a move though. I tend to get a little shy for some strange reason.

Anyway, those are just a few fun facts about me. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Please comment some fun facts about yourself. I’d love to hear who’s reading these posts.

Happy reading!

Over and out.

Why I Started A Blog

The following is what I was going to write as my first blog post. My computer crashed and I lost access to all of my blog posts. Since then, I have changed the name to “sensible fool.” However, I believe the following still embodies the purpose of this blog. So read on. Por favor.

–

So…I’m starting a blog. It’s been a long time coming, but I wanted to wait until I was certain I was doing it for the right reason and that it would be ultimately beneficial in the lives of my future readers. I’m aware many people are not surprised by my move to this. “Darveiye, you have so much to say, you should start a blog!” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say that…

I’d have three dollas and some change (at least 27 cents).

Needless to say, I never thought having a lot to say was a good enough reason to start a blog. One. Some things are better left unsaid. Two. It can cause a person to believe they are the final authority on certain issues. Three. It’s ultimately self-destructive to think of yourself that way; which leads me to the purpose for this blog. I’m sure you caught the bi-line.

“Introspection per His direction…”

But whatever does it mean? Introspection, in essence, is the practice of self-observation. ‘His’ or ‘Him’ is God; thereby meaning God is the very lens by which we look within ourselves. Additionally, we adjust ourselves according to what He says and He requires. Secondly:

Raising the standard.

I have found, as have many of you, if we continue to do the same things over and over again, we remain exactly where we started. There are things to be done in this world that have never been done and we will never get them done doing the same thing over and over. Ask Einstein.

Given my track record, one or more of these blog posts will offend you. Heck, I offend myself as I’m writing them. But that’s not always a bad thing. If we’re never offended, we’re never challenged to grow. And if we’re never challenged to grow, we won’t change. And if we don’t change, the world around us remains the same. And by the looks of it, that’s not really an option.

So yes. I’m starting a blog and it’s about each and every one of us. The purpose is to challenge us all to inspect and adjust ourselves before we attempt to do the same to others. History shows us that real change happens when the faces in the mirror are changed first! But remember, this isn’t about becoming ‘good’ people. The world has enough of those. There’s good in all of us. But good isn’t always God even though God is always good.

So let’s be introspective. But let’s not leave out the second half. It’s for us to live the way He says we should. So we seek Him.

I hope you enjoy reading as we journey together as sensible fools in a senseless world.

Thanks for reading!

Be blessed.

Over and Out.