purpose – SENSIBLE FOOL

The Danger of Comparison Pt. 2

Every time we examine who we are in comparison to someone else, we are exchanging truth for a lie.

In part 1, we dove into the reason humans feel the need to compare themselves to others. Read part 1 here. It’ll help this post make more sense.

One thing we learned in part 1 is that comparison is not bad in and of itself. Humans were originally meant to be compared to, or better yet, likened to God Himself. We were created of the same nature and comparably took after attributes of God Himself.

So, from the beginning, we were reflecting Someone. When sin entered, it distorted everything. We began to use other standards to measure ourselves against instead of God Himself. We exchanged the truth for a lie.

Every time we examine who we are in comparison to someone else, we are exchanging truth for a lie. Pastor Marcus Howard, in his training ‘Detox,’ said, “Be careful of comparing yourself to others because the bar is too low. If you’re going to compare yourself to anyone else, compare yourself to Christ.”

Think of someone you would consider to be a good person. They may do nice things all the time and they don’t do the things you think are wrong. Even this person, is not worthy to be used as the standard by which we all should live. They may be a good example, but they are not the Truth Itself.

Christ is the ONLY Truth. Everything outside of Him is a lie. It is a distortion of what is true.

This does not mean you treat those who don’t strongly believe in Christ as less than. Absolutely not! This does not mean you enforce your beliefs on them. Share them with boldness, truth, and most importantly love. Without love, there is no truth. Without truth, there is no love.

This is where the issue lies. Comparison is an assault on love. Comparison is an assault on truth. The conclusions we usually draw from our comparisons are not true and are rooted in ideas that are contrary to God (Love).

For example, if I compare myself to someone and come out thinking, “I’m better than them,” I’m wrong. This would be rooted in pride and indicative of a lack of identity. I don’t need to be better than anyone when I know I’m loved by God.

If I compare myself to others and believe, “I’m less than them,” this is also false! This is rooted in insecurity, self-doubt, and indicates a lack of identity. I can’t believe I’m less than anyone because the love of God embraces and empowers me.

When Love (God) is revealed and realized in someone, there is no need to search for the approval of others. God doesn’t just set you free so you can live a morally good life. God sets you free from you and the opinions of others. To realize I am loved by God allows me to be certain of who I am in the midst of any crowd or environment.

When I lose sight of God’s love for me, I begin to try to work for His approval and the approval of others. I try to prove that I’m ‘worth it,’ that I belong, and that I’m enough. I try to justify my wrongs because I’ve removed myself from the covering of the grace of God. God’s grace covers what we were and will never be able to cover. When I remove (or try to) myself from this covering, I use my own system and measurements to prove I’m good enough. I do this because I no longer trust God to do it for me.

The thing is, we can never gain God’s approval on our own. God took care of that through Christ. We can’t do it on our own. Our system of what is right, wrong, enough, or insufficient pales in comparison to God’s. The ideas or acts that don’t seem that bad to us are a distortion of what God originally intended and God doesn’t approve of them. Essentially, our systems are faulty.

Comparison takes you out of the security of who God knows you to be and causes you to act according to who you have deceived yourself into thinking you are.

Comparison is an enemy to love. God is Love (1 John 4:7-21). In the Bible, we find several stories of how God responded to His enemies and the enemies of His people. God does not leave them standing.

So, today, I’m choosing to allow God to kill comparison, doubt, and insecurity in me. I can be sure of me because He loves me. I don’t have to doubt the love of God because God doesn’t change. God doesn’t lie. God didn’t make a mistake when He made me. Therefore, I don’t have to find assurance in anything or anyone else.

I didn’t write this because this is an area I’ve mastered. I wrote this because it’s been a problem area for me as of late. So, I hope it encouraged you!

I pray you find the strengthen and courage to stand against comparison and accept the Love of God for yourself!

Friends: How Many Of Us Have Them?

Friends will either encourage you towards purpose or propel you towards ruin.

In a world where being friends with someone is as easy as a click, the definition of friendship is shifting.

Social media has ‘virtualized’ relationships. We no longer have to be as present or focused in friendships as we had been. Nevertheless, this is not a social media bash post.

Social media isn’t the only thing influencing how we define friendship. Oftentimes, the first place we look for some sort of guidance in our friendships is our parents or guardians. The way your parents engaged in friendships heavily influences how you engage in friendships.

Whether they offered blatant advice or not, you picked up behaviors, cues, and ideas about how you would participate in your friendships.

Personally, I believe we use the word ‘friend’ a little too loosely. Everyone is not your friend. Everyone ought not have the kind of access you give a friend.

A friend knows the good, bad, and ugly and sticks around out of choice, not obligation. A friend makes a commitment of sorts to ‘do life’ with you. A friend corrects you.

The Bible says, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

Friendship is so important. The friends you choose will affect your life in a tangible way. Friends will either encourage you towards purpose or propel you towards ruin.

You’ve heard the phrase. ‘Blood is thicker than water.’ This speaks of the loyalty within family. However, the Bible challenges this notion. This is why it’s so important to be mindful of how you choose your friends.

A friend is the family you choose.

Now, this isn’t only about knowing who’s best for you but knowing whether you’re good for someone else. Sometimes, we’re not the person that someone needs to support and sharpen them. We must have discernment to know when it’s time to leave a friendship or whether to start one in the first place.

Friendships ought to make you better, hold you accountable, be enjoyable, and push you towards purpose. Not everyone is built to do that in your life. You’re not built to do that for everyone. You can ‘act’ as a friend in a moment to a stranger or acquaintance; but true friendship requires commitment and sacrifice.

Single and Ready to Mingle

The issue is we insert a new relationship before we can feel the pain of being alone. We invite someone’s company into our jumbled mess and hope they complete us. We hope someone sticks around long enough so that we’re never alone with our own thoughts.

So, you’re single. You know it. EVERYONE seems to know it. Your parents won’t let you forget it. All the engagement photos every two seconds on your Facebook feed won’t let you forget it.

Sometimes, our relationship status seems like the most important fact about us; as if it were telling of our value to society or in general. Sometimes, it feels like you don’t add any real value to your situation or context unless you’re in a relationship (cause hey, there’s gotta be a reason no one wants to be in a relationship with you, right?). If someone wanted to be in a relationship with you, it would mean you’re important enough, pretty enough, or ‘worth it.’

Honestly, if people weren’t so disappointed every time they heard you were single, you probably wouldn’t notice too much that you’re single.

Some of us don’t realize how single we are until we go to the movies with a group of friends and everyone is ‘boo’d up (cue Ella Mai’s song)’ while we’re all alone like Donkey from Shrek. Some of us realize how single we are around the holidays and it seems as if everyone has a special someone to spend it with, except you. Or, we have that annoying (God bless ’em) relative that’s asking or hinting, “When you gone get married? You ain’t gettin’ no younger!” (Grandma, chilllll).

It’s funny how we talk about “how” single we are as if there were degrees. (There’s levels to this).

While the opinions of others can greatly effect how we see our singleness, sometimes, we’re our greatest enemy. Before we move forward, I want to establish that singleness is not a process or season to rush out of. It’s not a holding ground, purgatory, or the DMV line. It’s an important lifelong process that we never escape, married or not. There is always work to be done within ourselves. We ought always to be seeking to grow and mirror our Father in all things.

If you’re single and thinking you’re ready to mingle, consider these things:

Do you care a considerable amount about being single that it’s sucking the fun out of it? If you find yourself constantly thinking about the fact that you’re single, your answer may be ‘yes.’
Do you have unrealistic expectations? Many of us want our significant other to ‘make us happy.’ We want them to fill every empty part of ourselves. They may very temporarily fill the empty parts of you; but beware. As they pour out, they become empty as well. That makes for a broken, unfulfilling, and unproductive relationship. Also, the reason some are willing to pour into you in that way is because there’s a codependency. They find fulfillment and identity in playing that role; because, truthfully, they’re broken too. Trying to complete you gives them purpose. Your purpose can never be found in another person. It can only be pursued alongside another person. Purpose is given by God and therefore found in God. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” God didn’t just accidentally create you; he did so with purpose. There are specific things to be done through you on this Earth.
Do you have false expectations about what you can handle? ‘Huh? What does this even mean Darveiye?’ Have you considered that you can’t handle a relationship right now? Are you in a position or have you been given the green light by God to support someone as they grow? Sometimes, we want to support someone so badly because it gives us identity and a sense of purpose. This isn’t productive in the long haul. We should foster mutually supportive relationships in our lives that help fulfill purpose, not become it. Your relationship isn’t your purpose. It’s a vehicle and resource for it. This is why we must choose wisely when we link up with someone. We have to ask, “What would I be pulling from this relationship to facilitate the fulfillment of purpose in my life?” You’re only as strong and productive as who you link yourself up with.
Have you first completely embraced being single? Some of us can’t stand to be single for very long. There’s nothing wrong with being sad after a breakup. That’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with going through a grieving process. The issue is we insert a new relationship before we can feel the pain of being alone. We invite someone’s company into our jumbled mess and hope they complete us. We hope someone sticks around long enough so that we’re never alone with our own thoughts. Therein lies the problem. Because we’re never alone, we never develop an intimacy with ourselves. We don’t learn who we are, our likes and dislikes. We simply learn who we are in relation to someone else. The relationship begins to shape your identity, character, and destiny. Hopefully, you’ve chosen well. It’s unlikely. Brokenness will distort your vision and cause you to choose for pleasure and not purpose. It will cause you to choose what you think you want and not what you need.

If your answers to these questions indicate you may not be ready to mingle, that’s okay. Sometimes, we feel like we have to be ready right now for everything we’ll ever want or have in life. This is unrealistic and places unnecessary pressure on ourselves. It’s okay to go through a process to get ready. Also, growing while you’re single, isn’t all about preparation for marriage. It’s about reaching wholeness and functioning in your purpose. If that’s your focus, being single will become so much easier!

For further study:

There’s a book I read a few months ago that has changed my life. ‘Wholeness: Winning In Life From the Inside Out’ by Touré Roberts. If you have found that you’re struggling with being single, struggling in marriage, in your career, you believe in God, you don’t believe in God, etc.; this book is for you. You can purchase it on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Wholeness-Winning-Life-Inside-Out/dp/0310351944

Pastor Mike Todd of Transformation Church in Tulsa, OK did a series earlier this year called Relationship Goals. The first two sermons talk about singleness and it will wreck your life in the very best way. I recommend listening to the entire series. There’s something in there for everyone! Pastor Mike manages to deliver hard messages about relationships in a very honest, transparent, and fun way. It’s easy to understand and easily applicable to your current situation. Find it here: https://youtu.be/H7h5BHax06c

Until next time…

Over and out.

That Time John Boyega Proposed to Me

“I need to marry whoever that is! I am SOLD.”

This is a true story. (I’ve got the receipts).

It all started on a calm brooding Tuesday in December. It was getting dark. I was at the bus station. Waiting. Patiently. I scrolled through my various feeds of my social media.

I receive a notification from Twitter. Two, to be exact. An angel sent by GOD (s/o to David @khaorisen) followed me on Twitter and @-ed (not sure if that’s how you’re supposed to write it, don’t judge me) me. By the way, I don’t know David personally. He had no reason to know John Boyega is my celebrity crush. [If for some reason you don’t know who he is, he’s a brilliant actor and stars in the recent installments of the iconic Star Wars series].

His tweet read:

I was confused because I didn’t recall tweeting anything to John Boyega. However, when I saw the title of the video link he sent, my heart dropped. Even though I didn’t remember having done anything of the sort, I knew there HAD to be some truth to it.

I began pacing as I waited for the video to load. I didn’t care AT ALL how ridiculous I must’ve looked. As the video began playing, I began repeating absurd comments to myself like, “oh my gosh,” “oh shoot,” oh dang,” “oh my God,” “oh shoot God-dang,” “this is happening” (heck, I didn’t even know what was happening)!

I walked outside as the video was playing and only got louder. I continued pacing. Half jumping. Half jogging. Burning calories. You know how it is.

Then IT happened. Yes. It. Happened. At 1:24 into the video, I saw it. My name and picture from my INSTAGRAM PROFILE POPPED UP ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SCREEN!

John’s beautiful co-star, Kelly Marie Tran(hey girl, hey!), began reading. My post read:

“I CANNOT keep scrolling every day and seeing some picture of FINNEEE picture of JOhn Boyega. It’s literally not good for my heart. I just rolled my eyes so hard. Like God, why? Why would You make such a beautiful creation as this? I’m being dramatic. Lol. But, seriously. You’re good at what you do. May God continue to bless you in ALL that you do as you remain faithful to Him. To GOD Be the Glory!”

My heart and my soul.

It’s funny really. I wrote that comment on August 8, 2017. As I was writing it, I remember thinking, “It doesn’t even matter. He’s never going to see this. Hundreds of girls post on his pictures every day. He’s not going to see your ONE comment. Just let it out!”

Man…..

I let it out alright! I added something a bit more serious at the end in the event that he did see it. I do seriously appreciate him as an actor and desire for him to do well. Therefore, I find it important to pray for celebrities you like or are drawn to. It’s not easy being in the public eye like that.

Anyway, I do remember sensing that somehow he was going to see it. I brushed off the feeling though.

‘Cause I mean, “How? How fam? How was he gonna see my one comment in a million comments?” The odds were very slim. I just HAD to be extra that day to where someone at Teen Vogue thought, “Yea, this one is great. Let’s do this one.” S/o to Teen Vogue for that by the way! Y’all real.

The story isn’t done though.

As Mr. Boyega (that’s what I like to call him) listened to my silly, rachet comment, he had a PLETHORA of facial expressions. I don’t even know how to feel about it. Neither did he, so it seems! Take a look below.

Disgust?

What is dis oh?

Oh my Gosh!

I’m a Naija boy, but I do blush from time to time.

She said that?

What???

Delight?

Yea… He looked like he had gone through the five stages of grief. The last one looks like acceptance. Just sayin’. Speaking of acceptance…

Here’s his proposal that I accepted.

His words, not mine. “I need to marry whoever that is! I am SOLD.” Me too Boyega, me too.

While this is a funny and COMPLETELY true-ish story, I did get something out of it. I was in an interesting place emotionally when David from Twitter reached out to tell me about this video. (Also, many others reached out on Instragram, Facebook, AND Twitter. Thank you guys too!)

It reminded me that oftentimes what seems impossible IS possible. What seems least likely, CAN happen. God takes care of details. God cares about the small stuff and the big stuff. He sees YOU. He never sleeps. He never leaves. He never forsakes. When we forget about the promise or give up on it, God doesn’t. Disclaimer: I’m not saying God is trying to put us together. I’m just a clown. I’m saying the chances of this happening were very slim to none. & I’m grateful it did happen! It made me smile on a not so great day.

Granted, there is nothing inherently spiritual about this situation, but it reminded me of how small I am and how big God is.

Oh and here’s the kicker. I wore my Chewbacca shirt to work that day!

I hope you enjoyed this story! If for some reason you need more evidence or just want to watch the video; in the words of Bruno Mars, “don’t believe me, just watch.”

Be sure to check out my most recent posts:

What a Broken Heart Will Heal: https://sensiblefoolblog.wordpress.com/2018/03/01/what-a-broken-heart-will-heal/

Ctrl, Alt, Del: https://sensiblefoolblog.wordpress.com/2018/03/05/ctrl-alt-del/

Happy reading!

See you next time!

Over & out.

I’m Frustrated…

I’m frustrated with where I am. It’s not particularly bad, but it’s not exactly where I want to be (not just in the future, but at this point in my life). Sometimes I wish I could snap my finger and be there. But, it doesn’t work that way. Some things have to happen between now and then. It’s a process.

“The process”

I think subconsciously, most of us hate this phrase. Our disdain for it speaks to the reality of our impatience and laziness as a society. We want everything NOW. Very rarely are we willing to work/wait for ANYTHING. This is evidenced in the inclination towards convenience (fast food, crash diets, express everything, etc.).

Somehow, in our convenience-oriented culture, very significant virtues have gone right down the drain; our patience, integrity, & authenticity following right along with them.

[I say this with the very same breath that utters words of frustration when McDonald’s doesn’t come through as quickly as I’d like. Like dude, chill. It’s fast food. Even when they’re slow, they’re faster than most. So relax.]

Now, there’s nothing wrong with desiring quality and punctuality. The issue is we forget that oftentimes, quality requires ‘process.’ I started this blog to encourage people to embrace the part of the process they find themselves in. Embrace it. Not so tightly that you declare it your final resting place; but tight enough to where you allow humility, grace, and contentment to be built in you for use in the seasons to come.

Like me, I’m sure some of you are at interesting checkpoints in your process. Every situation has the ability to draw on what’s in you and expose the condition of your heart. So don’t despise any part of the process. There are things you are walking through now that are helping to get rid of negativity in you that cannot stay where you will be later.

Remember, God has a plan. It’s a cliché, but it’s true. The sooner you get used to adhering to His, the more peace you will have at any stage of your process. Remember, success is not some far away thing to achieve when everyone is lined up to notice and give you shout-outs. Success comes in how we live our everyday life. Success is now.

Additionally, success looks different for everyone. It doesn’t always include a stage or a ridiculously enlarged bank account, or global notoriety. To live someone else’s version of success is not success at all. For it is failure to complete YOUR purpose.
But, I understand. There is always pressure to achieve a certain type of success. But don’t let the pressure of people’s opinions cause you to despise where you are now. Be humble. Embrace the process. Treasure the success you achieve every day. Walk uprightly. For it is not truly success unless God declares it is.

Happy reading!

Like, comment, and share if you enjoyed what you read today!

I’m Not a Christian Pt. 1

Religion, generally defined, is a specific set of beliefs and practices concerning purpose for life and deals with the idea of a supreme being or the lack thereof and its (or theirs) relation with humanity. You can examine any major or minor religion against this general definition and you’d find they line up in some fashion. Today, I’m specifically examining Christianity and its “religioners (did I just invent a word).”

There are so many traditions and fads of the Christian faith by which Christians measure the sanctity of one’s lifestyle. Does he go to church? Does he raise his hands in worship? Does she carry her Bible? Does she dress up for church? (People really consider this) The list goes onnnnnn.

We don’t simply verify one’s ‘holiness’ by what they do (go to church, carry Bible, say they’re a Christian, etc), but by what they DON’T do. “He doesn’t smoke,” “She doesn’t curse,” “We’re not as bad as so-and-so,” and many others are common phrases we hear Christianers using to justify one’s “Christian” lifestyle.

The Problem With Religion

The issue with “Christianers” is our tendency to deal with the outer appearance and oftentimes this solely. Our adherence to the specific rules and regulations of the Christian faith allow us to APPEAR holy before man.

Additionally, the struggle for Christianers is this tendency to try to Christianize the world instead of evangelize it (Matt. 28:19-20). We are so sensitive and uncomfortable around anything that’s not “Christian-like.” I’d venture to say we don’t often differentiate between what is “God-like” and “Christian-like.” This is a sad thing.

What’s so wrong with being a Christian(er)?

A “Christianer” (I’m making words up left and right) is one who believes Christianity is the Way.

Well, Darveiye I thought Christianity is the true religion, the right religion, God’s religion. Are you saying you believe Jesus isn’t the way?

No. I am not.

What I am saying is God did not create religion. Man created religion. It is the way by which we can comprehend and measure faith-based things in real time. God did NOT come to earth in flesh as Jesus so He could establish the TRUE religion. Jesus didn’t die so you could pick up a religion and wear it like a badge of honor. Jesus died so that the kingdom of heaven could be established in the hearts of man (Luke 17:20-21)! The kingdom of heaven is the RULE and REIGN of God. Jesus died that the very culture INSIDE of us would transform and return back to what God originally intended! This is why religion DOESN’T work! It focuses on how you can look holy, and “do” holy, and not BE holy ( 2 Cor. 5:21). It’s like putting flowers on a coffin. At the end of the day, the body is still dead even if the casket looks beautiful.

The truth is, the reason we are so attached to the words Christian and Christianity is because we don’t understand why God came or what He did. We don’t know because we don’t seek Him and would rather measure holiness, purity, truth against other seekers and not the one who ORIGINATED it. Simply: we measure our righteousness against the righteousness of other “Christians.” The problem with this is I never truly have a full picture of another’s righteousness. Therefore, they are not a worthy or accurate standard by which to measure my life. Thankfully, I’ve been given THE standard of TRUTH by which to measure my life. Hint: Jesus.

There’s no need to compare my works to my sister at the end of the pew when I’ve been given Christ by which to measure my heart AND therefore my works. Humans are not holy apart from God. So why use a flawed individual to determine how holy or NOT holy you are? It’s a moot cause.

If people are my only standard for holiness, I’m in trouble. Let’s take it a step further. If I am the only standard for holiness, I am in a WORLD of trouble. If all I can meditate on is how much more holy I am than others and how “if only they could live like me,” I’m in for a rude awakening. My sole ministry is to reconcile people to God (2 Cor. 5:11-21), not people to me. My life should witness unto who Jesus is (Acts 1:8). I am a deflector and reflector. I cannot be this if I don’t spend time learning and knowing who this Jesus is.

Remember, God didn’t send Jesus to give you the “right” religion, but that you could “become the righteousness of God in Him(Christ).” Holiness is not about what people see you do, what they think you are, but who God has said that you are and will be. You ARE the righteousness of God in Christ JESUS!

Scriptures to Study:

2 Corinthian 5:21

²¹For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Luke 17:20-21

²⁰Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; ²¹nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’^[a]For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.”

Acts 1:8

⁸But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me^[a] in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.

John 3:16

¹⁶For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

I hope you enjoyed reading and are encouraged by this post!

Please comment below with questions, comments, requests, etc!

Thank you for reading!

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