Is It Time to Leave Your Local Church?

We’re in an interesting time in Western society. The landscape seems to be rapidly changing—culturally, politically, religiously, financially, etc. When there is a shift as great as the one we’re experiencing now, language becomes incredibly key in polarizing people and ideas.

This is nothing new. It has always been a clever tactic by the powers that be. There are so many coined phrases that get thrown around in conversations to shame, dismiss, support, shut down, or provide clarity. These phrases have certain connotations that indicate where someone stands and how you should engage with them.

In the political realm, some common ones are liberals, conservatives, racists, nazis, socialists, communists, and the like. While many of these have very specific meanings, they’ve been hijacked to discredit and dismiss people with contrary views.

In the social and cultural realm, some common ones are woke, sleep, bigots, transphobic, reverse racist, racist, gatekeeper, ally, etc. These words have been designated newly minted meanings that have the power to isolate and shame contrary ideas.

In religious spaces, Pharisee, Judaizer, legalistic, worldly, self-righteous are a few common ones. People have long noticed how divided and segregated the Christian church is at a denominational level and cultural level. These phrases put distance between your righteousness and that of others. It validates what you believe and dismisses what others believe.


As someone who has left Christianity, I am very keen on listening to the shift in the religious landscape–particularly in Christian circles.

Face it–People are leaving.

According to an article by the Pew Research Center,

“If recent trends in religious switching continue, Christians could make up less than half of the U.S. population within a few decades.”

The Pew Research Center

Studies have long indicated that most adults who grew up in church as a child will not return in their adult life. This has been a major pain point for many believers and local churches in general. Many religious leaders are doing their best to respond and understand why this is occurring.

Why are they leaving?

There are a few popular ideas within Christendom as to why people leave the Christian Church or Christianity as a whole and I think there’s something to be learned here.

  1. Church hurt: some form of hurt, offense, or betrayal by the leaders or congregants of a church
  2. Deconstruction: the idea of unlearning and rebuilding your Christian faith
  3. Never were connected to begin with
  4. Pulled in by secular culture

These are some of the phrases or ideas thrown around in conversations and I think Christians are missing an opportunity.

Church Hurt

I find that Christians (mostly) lump every person who leaves the Church into the first two categories and it’s quite dangerous.

The “deconstruction” crowd are those who have grown weary of fruitless religion and country club culture of the church, and are seeking a more authentic experience. These people might feel a little lost, detached, disappointed, or infuriated. These people are rarely consciously making a choice to rebuild their faith. It’s a gradual happening in which they feel incredibly dissatisfied with the current condition of the Christian church. Most of these people will return to their faith of old.

Then, there’s the first group. There are those who leave due to faulty leadership or offense of some sort. This is what many are calling ‘church hurt.’ Some Christians feel particularly empathetic towards these people, while others find their “lack of faith” problematic. Their justification is that no man should have the ability to make you “walk away from God”–as though walking away from manmade religion and walking away from God are one in the same. Talk about problematic.

Nine times out of ten (not a real statistic), these people will return to the Church. Once they are able to heal in their relationship with said person, people or engage in healing relationship with others, they’ll come back.

System Failure, The Curveball

Those who leave Christianity because they find that it doesn’t have the capacity to address individual, familial, communal, or global issues, they will likely never go back.

To Christians, these people register as having the greatest threat to the Christian Church. Christians firmly warn against them and their “doctrine of demons.” Many Christian pastors are even doing training on how to respond to said people.

There is something incredibly jarring about the disposition of these people. This is due to their inability to be controlled. These people are not simply unable to be controlled because they’re wild and sinful. They cannot be controlled because they are no longer validated by the system of religion. They are no longer looking to the standards that the Christian Church has claimed to be true for so long.

This is the greatest discrepancy between the Christian and his friends that no longer find value in Christianity and may believe entirely different than he does. I’ll speak for myself.

I know many Christians who look down on or sympathetically at those who leave because if you look from a particular angle, it seems they’re worse off. They seem to be more unhinged, less clean-cut, more broad thinking, rigid, more emotional, etc. Sometimes, they seem to always be changing or exploring a new idea. It’s difficult to trust what they believe because there doesn’t seem to be structure or continuity (yet) in what they believe. So, you look upon them and think, “Yea, I’d better stay over here because by the looks of it, they don’t seem to be much better.”

This is entirely understandable. When I left the Church and Christianity, a dear friend of mine told me that it seemed I’d been led astray because of how angry I was. And I was angry! I was infuriated that the system I’d put my entire identity in, caved in.

I was angry that what I thought was fruit was rotten. I was disappointed that what I thought was wisdom was fear. I was angry that what I thought was faith was manipulation. I was angry because what I thought was growth and movement was me running on a hamster wheel my entire life.

Truthfully, I came off way too strong! I was beginning to naturally challenge a lot of doctrine I’d held up until that point and I’d share my discoveries. While many people distanced themselves from me by avoiding the conversation, there were those that despite their discomfort with where I was, they still indulged me for as long as they could. Some would engage me and pretend as though nothing had changed. That wasn’t right either.

The longer I’ve been gone, the clearer the picture has become—the more defined my beliefs are. For a while there, many close people in my life were incredibly concerned and feared I’d lost a connection with the Holy Spirit, etc. My shambles and immaturity turned many off to the idea of even exploring what I was discovering. Understandably. However…

The reality is, it is fear that keeps many from ever challenging what they believe—not simply being turned off by the condition of people who leave. It is tradition and misinterpretations of Scripture that keep you bound to a fear-mongering system that discourages you from questioning.

Granted, you shouldn’t leave your church simply because someone you trust has left. There has to be an authentic beckoning that calls you out. Honestly, it likely won’t seem obvious to many.

The reason many haven’t left is because they’re still being validated by the system. It works for them—or so it seems. As long as you are satisfied by what is given, you will return.

Once you learn how YAH truly validates us, you will find no purpose in the vast majority of what Christians do at church and away. Your entire world will be flipped upside down.

If you challenge what you believe, and I mean truly challenge, you might find that you’ve never truly been satisfied. You are still thirsty. It has been as though you’ve looked in the mirror and have forgotten what you look like when you’ve walked off. That is an imperfect mirror.

Christianity is not simply imperfect. It’s wrong. When you truly learn HIS ways, you will look into the perfect mirror and remember who you are.

If you are unsure about leaving your church, don’t. Whenever—if ever—you truly feel beckoned, you won’t look back and nothing will be able to stop you.

The Law and Grace: Not What You Think

There are some things we believe because they’re true. Then, there are things we believe because we’d prefer to believe them. This is proof that we take our perceptions of God into conversations like these and refuse to expand our view of Him.

When you hear “The Law” mentioned in Christendom and Judaism, people are referring to the sum of about 600+ laws given by God through Moses to the people of Israel. God gave them numerous laws, rituals, and regulations, meant to keep them pure and holy.

Many have created resources that attempt to provide understanding of the functionality of the Law and Grace in our lives as believers today. It is a point of great spiritual and doctrinal controversy.

Some believe we ought to still keep the law as strictly as the Israelites of old. Some postulate that because of the Messiah’s sacrifice, we are no longer under law, but under grace; and are free from the requirements of the Law.

What makes these conversations so difficult to process is because of the various verses that speak to how the Law and Grace operate in our lives today. It can be difficult to interpret them.

One of our biggest obstacles for understanding Law vs. Grace is our desire to believe a specific thing. Some WANT to believe we have to follow the Law in the specific way in which the Israelites did. Some WANT to believe that GOD’S grace cancels the Law.

For some, following the Law seems to be too oppressive and it doesn’t sound like God to them. For others, Grace seems to offer more freedom than they could fathom God giving.

This is proof that we take our perceptions of God into conversations like these and refuse to expand our view of Him.

No matter where you fall on the proverbial spectrum of this idea, choose to lay down your preconceived notions to perceive God in a new way. Allow God to reveal Himself afresh to you. There are some things we believe because they’re true. Then, there are things we believe because we’d prefer to believe them.

It’s dangerous to get to a place in which God doesn’t surprise you anymore–or God agreeing with EVERYTHING you do, say, or think. At that point, I’d begin to question whether or not it’s God you serve–but you.

I’ve been craving depth in my relationship with the Most High and understanding of who He is. I’ve prepared myself to think and live differently depending on what He reveals about Himself, me, and others.

I don’t want to believe what I believe because it’s comfortable for me. I want to believe what He says is true. Sometimes, that will put me in a position to look foolish to the world and that’s okay; because I’m not living for them.

I live for God in hopes that others would see and know Him. But He is my Authenticator, my Refuge, my Father, my Friend, my Savior, my Deliverer, my Judge, my Answer, my Everything.

My prayer is that if you’ve made it to the end of this post that you receive the blessed opportunity of knowing Him.

You can pray this prayer below and continue on a journey of knowing Him. Once you pray this prayer in belief and faith, there are some things that will automatically change. You may not feel it, but it has.

There are other things that will require a journey of becoming in relationship with Most High (God). Have faith and be encouraged.

Most High,

Thank You for revealing Yourself to me. I believe what you’ve shown me. I believe that You sent Your Son to Earth to die to reconcile me to You. I believe He resurrected in victory over sin and death — the very things that separated me from having relationship with You. I have faith and believe that You are the one true God. Thank You for saving me. I ask that You continue to show me who You are and teach me Your ways. My heart will never be separated from You. I ask that You connect me with people who will help me grow in my relationship with You and knowledge of You. Thank You for loving me.

In Your Son’s Name,
Amen.

Scriptures to study: (the whole Bible…but here’s a few to get started)

  1. John 1-3
  2. Romans 6-8
  3. Genesis 1-3

In the World, But Not of It: Reverence Over Relevance

I found the reason I was trying to be “relevant” was not because I wanted people to accept God, but I wanted people to accept me.

Disclaimer: This is for the Christians. It is not to be used as ammunition toward any specific Christian, church, or denomination; nor has it been written motivated by the actions of any specific person, church, or denomination.

Instead, I’m writing because of something I’ve periodically observed in myself. I believe it’s something many Christians might observe in themselves if they’d search; this desire to be relevant. This is not specific to Christians, but that’s what we’ll deal with today.

Relevance in and of itself is not evil; but the desire for it must be qualified. Why do we want to be relevant? What does relevance look like in the life of the believer? Does it mean I can’t be fun anymore? How do I serve God without being out of touch with “reality?” To whom do we want to be relevant?

These are all important questions and our answers to them reveal something about the posture of our heart toward God and the things of God. So, let’s dive in.

First, I want to deal with two different perspectives we may observe in the Church (the Body of Christ, followers of Christ) concerning relevance. People often swing to one extreme of the spectrum or the other.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “in the world, but not of it?” Yes? Well, this is an understanding of several verses in the Bible; though it is not a verse itself. Basically, it means even though we exist in this world, we are not of the same nature of the world. There is a culture and citizenship we possess that supersedes that which we experience here. We (children of God) are of a different world which is unseen. Below are some of the verses which compile this theological idea of ‘in the world, but not of it.’

John 15: 19
“If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.”

1 John 2:15
“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”

John 16:33
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Mark 4:19
“…and the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things entering in choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.”

The First Extreme

Some interpret these verses to mean we can’t do anything that appears even remotely secular‘– which means ‘worldly.’ For example, some believe we can’t have any sort of relationship with those who aren’t believers–not even any association. Granted, a believer must be wise and discerning when pursuing intimate relationships with unbelievers.

However, there is a difference between being separate and being separate. What? The kind of separation required of believers is one that distinguishes. It is not to isolate or quarantine our faith but to live separate to GOD. Being separate to GOD means we seek to become what GOD desires for us to become.

This was a common issue the Messiah encountered while He walked this Earth. He was constantly brought under scrutiny for spending time with sinners and the ‘unclean’ of society. This didn’t line up with the idea the religious leaders of that time had about being separated or holy.

In one account, the Messiah is eating dinner with tax collectors (oftentimes manipulative con men) and other sinners. One of the ruling religious groups in Israel at the time, the Pharisees, reasoned among themselves and concluded that He was unclean because of this.

You can find some accounts of this encounter here: Matthew 9:10-17, Mark 2:13-17, and Luke 5:27-31.

Believers, we do ourselves and the world a disservice by segregating (isolating) ourselves and the truth we know. Be careful not to build and sustain cozy environments that only welcome those who agree with you (even specifically those of the same faith as you). In response to His being questioned about His interaction with sinners, the Messiah responded, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance (Luke 5:31-31).”

This inclination to isolate in comfortability without challenge hardens the heart of the believer and allows religion to calcify our minds. This causes us to lose sight of the call of EVERY believer–that is reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:11-21). We are called to reconcile people to GOD. This cannot be done if we’re walled up physically or spiritually within four walls of a quaint church that make us feel comfortable, secure, and unchallenged.

There are people who are falling away daily and many more who have not heard the truth and love expressed in the Gospel of the kingdom of GOD. If we’re honest, in our hearts, there is often fostered this culture of ‘staying’ — of finding a safe, comfortable place and resting there; comfortable in our religion. Our call was never to stay, but to ‘go.’ (Matthew 28:18-20) That doesn’t mean everyone is going to live the life of a traveling missionary or what have you. It does mean that we have to come outside of ourselves to reach the lost and those who have fallen away wherever we find ourselves.

The Second Extreme

The other extreme of the spectrum typically involves this need to prove likeness. “I’m just like you.” “We’re the same!” “I like that kind of music too.” Have you ever met a believer who is always trying to convince people to follow Christ or accept them by proving believers aren’t that different from everyone else? Better yet, have you ever been that believer? I know I have.

It didn’t happen overnight though. I’ve always been very vocal about my faith and the importance thereof. However, over the years, I saw a gradual change. I started wanting to compel people to come to Christ by convincing them that things wouldn’t change much or that I was still like the ‘Darveiye’ I was before.

This is problematic because I was compelling people based on a lie. I’m not just like you. We’re not the same. We may seem incredibly similar on the surface, but there is an inner change that differentiates us. It doesn’t mean I’m better, it means I’m renewed. It means I’m saved. It means I’m redeemed. It means my mind has been changed. It means some things will not and cannot stay the same. It means I have a new nature. I may be “in the world, but I’m not of it.”

I found the reason I was trying to be “relevant” was not because I wanted people to accept God, but I wanted people to accept me. I’d spent so much of my life being rejected and bullied for my interests, my looks, my faith that I found I started to work hard to prove I was normal. However, the reality of the life of a child of God is that you will not be accepted by the world and you are not normal. It’s not something that “gets better” or changes with time.

If there comes a point at which I am completely embraced by the world or indistinguishable from it, I’ve ceased being separated. I may find I’ve begun to seek relevance from the world compromising my reverence for God — which is the result of seeking relevance.

For you cannot completely love and embrace God and still look like, think like, and live like the world. You will hate one or love the other. “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other (Matthew 6:24a).”

This dynamic isn’t often easily detected. Sometimes, we’re still doing all of the things we usually do (go to church, read the Bible, talk about God) but will find our hearts are far from God in the process. This is why checking your heart is so important. Always ask, “why am I doing what I’m doing?” “Why am I saying what I’m saying?” “Am I trying to get people to accept me or accept God?” “Am I cutting myself off from the people who need to hear about the God I know?” “Am I discerning or am I just judging people?”

We often treat this walk with Christ as a one size fits all. Granted, there are elements that are one-size-fits-all (salvation, loved by God, call to reconciliation, and many others). However, we have these misguided ideas of exactly what it should look like and get lost in trying to look like that (clothes we wear, how we talk, going to church, reading the Bible, being kind to people, etc) and forget to check if our hearts are truly one with God’s heart.

To sum all of this up, choose reverence over relevance.

Be sensible. Be fools.

Over and out.