Tag: healing

Religion: System Failure

The world’s confidence is a false confidence.

Any confidence that positions itself to never be vulnerable is not true confidence. It is insecurity masked as pride or confidence.

The systems of the world perpetuate an illegitimate means by which to be confident.

One’s ability to make oneself vulnerable determines the magnitude of confidence (and wholeness) they’ll develop. To be naked is to be vulnerable (to be whole).

We see this condition with Adam and Eve. Before the curse (what many call “the fall”), Adam walked with YAH in the garden, naked (whole). He had nothing to hide and could be perfectly confident/free.

This changed. Once they had the knowledge of good and evil and heard YAH drawing near to them, they hid. Then, they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

Many wear fig leaves in an attempt to secure covering or to present themselves as whole, together, not lacking in anything.

While YAH does desire that we be whole, any covering we make outside of Him is illegitimate and not capable of proper covering.

Covering is not for hiding flaws, but a safe place in which you receive the nutrients to be whole.

As long as humans will make themselves vulnerable to YAH and each other, they will find the nutrients or supply to be whole or complete.

You don’t have to look far to find representations of fig leaves.

Fig leaves are what I use to appear whole instead of doing the work to be whole. Fig leaves are those things we present instead of presenting the truth of our broken condition.

Religion is a system of the world and one expression of fig leaves. (This does not mean there isn’t an absolute Truth or Deity we are to be in relationship with).

Religion at its core is the packaging of what was sacred and intimate and creating a system of it.

Religion, as people have organized and packaged it, is a means by which we attempt to appear confident and together. Religion reverses the natural order of relationship with YAH. Relationship with Him transforms you from the inside to the outside. Religion places weight in outward works that do not truly bring about an inward change or healing.

Religion will never have the power to heal, just as fig leaves will never have the power to truly cover.

Simply put:

Religion: fig leaves

Relationship: vulnerability

Many different things can serve as fig leaves (this is not an exhaustive list):

Image
Personalities
Positions
Reputation
Religion
Philosophy
Intelligence
Power
Resources

Many of us are not as confident as we think we are. We’ve placed our confidence in things that are not of substance.

If you are not one who makes yourself vulnerable, your confidence is false and will not stand. It may fool many, but it will fail when you seek the greater truth of vulnerability.

Be vulnerable.

I Thought It Was Love

Have you ever been in love? Many of us would claim we have been. Sometimes, we’re unsure. We use feelings to justify or confirm that we were in fact in love. “I just feel so happy around him!” “She makes me so giddy!” “He just makes me feel good.”

We think because “we’re so excited to be around them,” “we like the same things,” or “they’re different from anyone we’ve ever dated,” that it means we’re in love. Granted, sometimes, this is the case. However, this is not always true. Sometimes, it’s something else.

Lust.

You’ve likely already heard this. Lust does a fantastic job at masquerading as love. We often perceive our lust for someone as love for them. Lust can be defined as a very strong desire–often unquenchable. It is not wrong in and of itself to strongly desire something.

However, it’s important to qualify (verify) what we desire. We can do this by asking a couple of simple questions.

Why do I want what I want?

This is one of the easiest ways to distinguish love from lust. If you want what you want for an unhealthy reason (pride, insecurity, superiority), then you know it’s lust. Lust does nothing but consume you. Love doesn’t consume you, it blooms you and those that are in relationship with you.

What will I do once I get it?

Is your desire for selfish reasons, then you know it’s not love; for love is selfless. Are you unable to give selflessly? Do you only desire to receive without any reciprocation? This leads me to my next point.

Reciprocity.

This is likely the most common dynamic at work in relationships that seem to have love, but don’t. The only reason I have any perception of this, is because I’ve discovered this within myself.

You may have learned about reciprocity in Math class in high school. It is simply a mutual exchange of privileges. “I am this to you because you’ve been that to me.” “I’ll do this for you because you’ve that for me.” “I expect you to give this because I’ve given that.”

Disclaimer: I’m not saying you should not have standards or stay in toxic relationships. No. Instead, I am saying a relationship built on reciprocity cannot live up to its fullest potential and it is not love.

In a reciprocal relationship, I love that you did this for me, but not necessarily you. I find myself attached to what you can do, give, or be to me and not you. That’s not love. Love isn’t looking for what it can get, love has already given. It’s free. Love gives freely. For the moment love requires compensation, it’s not really love.

I thought I knew how to love. I did; and maybe I did know how to love. However, after many heart breaking experiences, I’ve been slow to love those around me in fear of getting hurt. “What if I let myself love them and they hurt me beyond repair?” To a hurting person, that is the most valid question you could ask. While our ‘what if’ scenarios hardly ever come true, you can’t help but believe that if you chose to love, you’d end up broken.

I want to encourage you to love again. I don’t mean seek a romantic relationship–but love again.

Love yourself. Love others. This will only be possible through intimate relationship with the Most High. For many of us, the reason we’re unable to love without fear is because we have a skewed perspective about God. We’ve lost our trust in Him. We’ve lost our faith in Him. We feel like He left us when we needed Him most. So, we no longer go to Him when we feel lost or broken.

Fortunately and unfortunately, He is the only One that can find us when we’re lost and mend us when we’re broken.

The thing is, God is love–the very essence of it. God doesn’t have love, He is it. God doesn’t give love, He is it. If we’d allow Him to infiltrate every area of our dark hearts, they’d beat again. God wants you to be able to love again. You haven’t lost it, it’s just hidden. Remember, love doesn’t wait to be acknowledged or recognized. It’s free.

So, even if you’re not acknowledging God in your life right now, just know that He loves you still. That is the greatest truth we can ever grasp as humans–God loves you. Don’t forget it.

Meditate on 1 Corinthians 13.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poorand give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.⁵It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹²For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

Be sensible. Be fools.

1 Cor. 3:18

An Open Letter to Myself

What you will read below is a note I wrote in my phone to process my thoughts about my fear of rejection. It’s not going to be well organized. It’s my thoughts nonetheless.

I’m putting this up here in an effort to be vulnerable, transparent, and encourage someone who can relate. When I’m in places in which I can’t express myself, I write. I write to understand what I’m feeling and come to a place of resolution. So, here goes.

“I think I have a fear of rejection. I can trace it all the way back to when I was a child.

I remember pulling out of the student council race for president because I thought I’d lose. I don’t invite people places because of fear of rejection. I never wanted to throw parties because of fear of rejection. What if they don’t show up? They’d be rejecting me because they think I’m not worthy of showing up for.

In various seasons of my life, it’s been communicated to me that I’m not good enough to other people. That my voice doesn’t matter. That my interests were lame. That I was almost pretty, but not actually pretty. That I was almost cool, but not quite.

This is sad because I’ve let it rule my life for way too long. I’ve chosen not to go after things for fear of rejection. I have gone after things I knew I’d succeed in so not to lose or be rejected; all based on a conditioning by broken people. How are broken people going to tell me what I’m worth? I’m worth the very GOD of heaven coming down to save me. That’s invaluable. No one can ever provide that for me.

So, I’m not broken. I’m whole in Him.
I’m not rejected. I’m accepted by Him.
I’m not unworthy. I’m worth it because of Him.
I’m not pathetic. I have purpose in Him.

God has already planned amazing things for me to do. Some will seem glorious, others not as much. But it’s what He has planned. And I’ll be glad in it. I don’t have to shrink back and pretend I’m not worthy of what is mine. Instead, I will step up and fully embrace that which God has called me to. I am more than enough.”

Here’s the thing. God loves you. Passionately. Everlastingly. Unconditionally. This matters above all else.

It doesn’t matter what people have said or done to you. You don’t have to believe them. Any thought or idea lower than God’s idea about you is a lie. God knows you the way no human will ever know you.

David, King of Israel, was a man with many issues but a heart set to please God. He understood that despite his shortcomings, his inward sin, his outward sin, rumors about him, betrayal, and his lowest points that God knew him and loved him still. David had done some terrible things in his life; things that many of would hate ourselves for. David knew that what others thought about him and what he thought about himself had to be subject to what God knew about him.

Read below what David was expressing about God’s intimate knowledge of him and you too!

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

Psalm 139:1-18

May you leave this believing the best about your Father and who He created you to be. Be blessed.

6 Things A Relationship Won’t Heal

Here me out. While some of these things can be helped by a relationship, it(a relationship) is only a temporary fix that is likely to land you in further issue. So, before you decide to change that relationship status to ‘taken’ or ‘boo’d up,’ check out these things. You may think twice.

Loneliness

I’ve learned this in my most recent romantic relationship. A relationship will not heal ‘loneliness.’ It didn’t matter how often we spoke, how much time we spent together, or that the relationship was healthy and life-giving. I’d still find myself experiencing loneliness. This speaks to a common phrase we hear, “you can be in a crowd full of people and still feel alone.” So, having another person active in your life doesn’t guarantee you won’t feel lonely.

A relationship can only provide a band aid for the issue of loneliness. There’ll be times in which you feel the loneliness is subsiding; but that’s usually only during the moments you spend with your significant other. Once you’re alone, it all comes crashing down again.

Honestly, I’m still unpacking exactly where this weight of loneliness comes from. However, once I realized that I was lonely while still in a relationship, I ran to the Most High (GOD) and He’s been revealing and healing those areas. Now, it’s a very rare thing I experience.

Lust

Oh man. Many of us don’t want to say it. We wouldn’t say that’s largely the reason we hop into a relationship. We think that if we are committed to one person then we can somehow channel the lust into a positive energy in the relationship. One thing I’ve learned is that lust cannot be tamed, coddled, or ‘channeled.’ It can only be starved. Lust that’s starved is a lust that loses its power.

I’ve heard this said from various married folk, “whatever problems you have before marriage are the same problems you’ll have IN marriage; just multiplied!” I believe this applies to any sort of relationship. Any relationship will not make your issues magically evaporate. In fact, a life-giving God-ordained relationship will expose those issues and propel you toward purpose.

However, marriage exposes those issues in a unique way. For GOD’s purpose through marriage is to sanctify the husband and wife so that they reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church.

So, you can rest assured that if you’re struggling with lust now and you do nothing about it, you will struggle with it in a relationship.

Brokenness

To be honest, I’m hesitant on even putting this here; because I’ve seen the power of a healthy God-ordained relationship in dealing with brokenness. However, I wouldn’t say the relationship healed brokenness. Instead, it created a safe place for the areas of brokenness to be exposed and mended.

GOD often works through people to heal and provide. However, it’s HIS power and resources that make healing and provision possible. So, no relationship with any human can provide all that you need for healing. It can merely serve as a conduit for healing.

Fear

If you’re struggling with fear as a single person, fear will infiltrate your relationship. We often think that a relationship will magically heal every issue we have. It will not. The same is true with fear. The only remedy for fear is love. The Bible says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18).

I’ve wrestled with this passage many times; because according to it, I don’t walk in perfect love. I know I don’t walk in perfect love because I often live in fear. The two can’t coexist. The reason love and fear can’t coexist is because fear torments and punishes.

There is no pride in love. Love is humble. There is no lack in love. Love is complete. Love doesn’t keep record of wrong. Love forgives.

You can’t operate in perfect love and fear. GOD is love. There is no fear in GOD. What does God have to fear? Who does GOD have to fear?

My friend Chevon encouraged me one day concerning the verse above. She explained that perfect love will cast out fear as in it will draw it out. It will bring it to the surface and demand that it leave. It must be exposed first. An issue cannot change unless it is first exposed. An active relationship with the Most High (GOD), who is Love, will pull the curtain back on your fear and drive it out.

Low Self-Esteem

Our society informs us that if you are in a relationship, you must be of importance or value. Have you ever been single and no one was trying to get at you at all? As soon as you got in a relationship, everyone seemed to shoot their shot? No? Just me? Cool. Sometimes, people don’t desire us until it seems someone else desires us. Oftentimes, we find our worth in whether or not we’re ‘desired’ by others.

We gravitate towards relationships because of the perception we want people to have of us. We want to be seen as someone who is worthy of another’s affection.

The thing is, whether or not someone woke up this morning with you on their mind, you are worthy of love. In fact, Christ thought you were worthy of His life. No human could ever or will ever top that. Ever.

Honestly, this is something I have to keep at the forefront of my mind. I tell myself often enough, “I’m not more important or attractive because I’m in a relationship with someone.” “I’m not less attractive or important when I’m single. I have the same kind of value in either position; because I’m HIS.” To be honest, I don’t always believe this, but I know it’s true. I don’t always feel like this is true, but GOD.

Lack of Purpose

For those that desire a long-term relationship, there is a certain security we experience having found someone we desire to invest in and who wants to invest in us. Sometimes, it can feel like a release or relief from ‘singleness.’ Many of us have been waiting for what seems like an eternity to ‘find’ someone or ‘be found,’ so that our life can finally “start.”

Now, I’ve heard it said many times that some of your best days are when you find that special someone and build a life together. I believe there’s a level of truth to this. However, you ought to have some of your “best days” before you’re linked in a relationship.You can’t wait around for someone or a relationship to ascribe purpose to you.

Granted, a facet of your purpose may be revealed once you link up with someone, but it’s important we begin seeking GOD concerning our individual purpose before a relationship.

Many of us get in a relationship and the relationship becomes our purpose. If you don’t have purpose before the relationship, you may not be choosing to be with this person for the right reasons. You could be choosing to be with them because of a lack of knowledge of your purpose, a fear of being alone, brokenness, loneliness, etc. Knowing your purpose or at least a glimpse of it will help in choosing wisely and timely as to when and with whom to get into a relationship.

So be encouraged and mindful. A relationship is not and should not become your everything. The very things you’re seeking healing for, GOD will heal if you let Him.

I’m encouraged today because I’m not where I used to be. I don’t even have to focus on “not being where I should be or will be.” I just know, I’m not where I used to be. The Father is healing me from the inside out and isn’t willing to let anything go unfinished. This is a work he started and I know He’ll finish it. (Phil. 1:6)

I’m encouraged because of the relationship I have with my Father. The Most High (GOD) pursues me, placed purpose in me, and continues to transform me so that it is fulfilled. So, if you’re struggling with any of the things listed above, remember that GOD is with you. No one can ever fill all of those voids and wounds.

The only relationship that can heal all of the broken areas in you is your relationship with the Most High (GOD), your Father, if you accept Him.

*I do not own the featured photo.

Ctrl, Alt, Del

Control. Alt. Delete. This is my go-to when a computer decides to act rachet (see urban dictionary). When you enter that combination, your computer SHOULD give you the option to restart or shut down. When that doesn’t work, then you KNOW something is wrong. If only life worked this way…

Sometimes, you just wish you could start over. Maybe not completely; but many of us have a point in our life, we’d quickly consider starting things over from. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with wanting things to have been a certain way. There’s probably nothing wrong with wanting to do things differently.

However, I believe the true treasure is found in our applying lessons of yesterday to today. We don’t have to meditate on should’ve, would’ve, or could’ve. We don’t have to ponder on what was or wasn’t, but what is and will be.

My saying this does not mean I’ve never thought, “Man, I could’ve done this if THAT had never happened. I would’ve been here if THIS had never happened.” I’ve had more than my fair share in meditating on the past and still struggle with it from time to time. My issue, most of the time, is thinking TOO MUCH about the future. God, help me.

If I had to choose between dwelling on the past and regretting past decisions, or getting the most out of where I am now and having hope for the future, I’d choose the latter. I’ve reached a place where I’d rather keep pressing forward to see that which God has prepared for me. As afraid as I am of the future at times, I have confidence that whatever lies before me is surmountable if my eyes are on Christ.

The book of Hebrews says it best. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything(every weight) that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ²fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:1-2).”

Dwelling on the past hinders us from reaching true purpose. Sin will entangle you and keep you from reaching purpose. We have to throw aside EVERY weight. Don’t let the past be a weight that slows you down from reaching purpose.

Here are some things to hold on to if you find yourself regretting your past or feeling like you’ve wasted time:

We don’t get to change how we started, but we can affect how we finish. There are experiences I’ve had that were not life-giving that at times shook my faith that anything good could ever happen. Even when I don’t know how the good will come or when the good will come, deep down, I know it will. I hang my hat on that.

Your future is brighter than your past.

The people you surround yourself with affect your future. Find some people in your life to hold you accountable and encourage you to move forward in your life.

God uses the good as well as the bad. So, even if it hurts or hurt, God will use it to produce something beautiful (if you let Him).

Keep your eyes on Christ. We become what we focus on. If my eyes are set on Christ, my identity is no longer found in the things I did or didn’t do in my past, but in Him.

God is a redeemer of time. This should not encourage us to waste time. Instead, it should encourage us that if we’ve turned in the right direction that the things of the past will be used for our benefit and His glory.

I hope this has encouraged you today. Keep your eyes fixed on Christ.

Happy reading!

Over and out.

*I do not own (the rights to) featured picture.

What a Broken Heart Will Heal

This is perhaps my most vulnerable post yet. I typically avoid being publicly vulnerable for various reasons. I’d much rather show people the finished product and talk about the pain as a thing of the past. I will refrain from that today.

I’m going through something right now. Don’t get me wrong. Everything is pretty good. I’M going through something in ME. I’m being exposed to the beautiful and disgusting parts of who I am. I’ve never been this honest with myself about the messed up parts of me as I have in the last three years. This is so disruptive for someone who many thought was ideal to emulate and strived to be PERFECT all the time.

One deeply seeded issue I’ve discovered about myself is that I truly need an overhaul on my perception of God. I’ve gone through a lot of heartache and pain over the last 7+ years. The heartaches and heartbreaks seemed to come one after another. They were not all related to relationships, though some were.

In the process of healing from or suppressing these situations, I’d begun to believe God wasn’t good because something that wasn’t good was happening to me. I began to believe God owed me some sort of compensation for the pain He allowed me to go through or the pain He led me TO. Many believe because God is good that He’d never intentionally lead you to go through some painful experiences. Personally, I don’t believe this. It’s difficult theology to grapple with, but I believe that.

One verse in the Bible that supports this idea that God’s will for us may involve pain in order to reach purpose is Hebrews 5:8. It says, “Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.” Additionally, we understand that Jesus was aware that He’d have to intentionally go to an environment in which He’d have suffer. “From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. (Matt. 16:21).”

Disclaimer: While I believe God allows AND leads us to go through painful experiences, this does not mean all pain is caused by God for the sake of His purpose for us. I do believe ALL pain CAN BE USED for the fulfillment of your purpose. So, be encouraged.

The reason I’m writing this blog is to be honest. I want to be honest about the fact that we will go through hard things, things we don’t think we’ll make it through. I’m writing to encourage someone who has experienced something that was/is painful.

There is good that comes from a broken heart. There is life that comes from a broken heart. There is healing that only comes once your heart has been broken. Many would say, “I wouldn’t need healing if I’d never been broken.” Touché. You also wouldn’t know God’s a healer if your heart had never been broken.

Truthfully, you’ll never really know God for who He truly is unless you go through some things.

I don’t want anyone who reads this to receive this as some mastered point of view of life after pain or some obligatory encouragement. I’m still healing from things and discovering that which I’ve yet to heal from.

I have found myself saying, “I don’t want to go through any more pain. I’m tired of good things coming into my life and leaving no sooner than they came. I’m tired of heartache.” These are my exact words from an entry in my journal. I’m extremely pensive today as I have been reflecting on this sentiment. In the process of me thinking about my relationship with pain and my desire to be healed, I realized that there were more things I’ve healed from than I thought. I’m much more whole than I realized. I’m more complete than I thought. There have been small and big victories along the way that I never celebrated or thanked God for.

Some important nuggets to take away from this post:

God will honor your desire to be healed and whole. He may not do it the way you’d like Him to, but He’s at work.
God is good even when life around you is not.
God doesn’t owe you for the pain you’ve suffered, but He’ll restore anyway. For He is good.
“One of the best gifts God could ever give you is a hard life.” –Young Noah
God is good AND just. He’s more concerned about your healing, wholeness, and holiness than you ever will be.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor are your ways my ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

I have not yet mastered all that is presented in this post. I’m still meditating on it and figuring out how to be consistent in my application of it to my life. If you’d like to talk about anything you’re going through, please message me on Facebook or comment on this post.

*I do not own the rights to the featured picture.