Tag: blog

When Pain Is Your Mistress

I don’t always know how to be happy and I’d hazard a guess that I’m not the only one. Life experiences and disappointments have taught us not to expect anything good or for it to last very long.

I don’t always know how to be happy and I’d hazard a guess that I’m not the only one.

Happiness is one of the most elusive concepts humans pursue. Most of the time, we’re mistaken about what will actually make us happy. We get it and are abysmally disappointed. More money, a relationship, new job, influence, power, etc., are just a few things we often believe will bring us happiness. (Mo’ money, mo’ problems).

Interestingly enough, we don’t have to desire things that are inherently bad in order to be disappointed once we get them. The reality is, nothing on this earth could ever or will ever satisfy the longing for fulfillment. Only God can. Some things seem to get really close, but fall short every single time. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t desire things, relationships, money, or influence. Instead, we must remember that in all things, we must ask, ‘why do I want what I want?’

Many of us have no trouble desiring things. For some of us, however, desiring anything good is an arduous task. Life experiences and disappointments have taught us not to expect anything good or for it to last very long. Our inner system of belief begins to tell us, ‘don’t get too attached,’ or ‘don’t get your hopes up.’ These thoughts come when your belief system is being run by doubt and fear.

Pastor Marcus Howard says, “Fear is not an emotion. It is the absence of emotion; because you don’t know what to expect, you fear. Fear is a toxin eating up the core of your belief.” I’ve heard him expound further saying, “fear comes because of a lack of expectation.”  

Our life experiences teach us what to expect or what not to expect. Painful experiences teach us it’s not worth hoping for something better. Sometimes, we become so familiar with our pain, that we forget how to be happy. We forget to receive the joy that’s been given to us through Christ.

Let’s talk about joy and happiness. If you ask a random person, they’ll tell you that joy and happiness are one in the same. I understand from where we get this idea. However, let’s look at Scripture for a second. Many of the verses that mention joy speak of it in spite of something.  “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” (James 1:2-3).

We don’t experience joy because things are going well. We experiencing joy whether or not things are going well. Happiness is different. Happiness requires a particular condition. ‘I’m happy because _______.’ This means: if the reason for which I’m happy changes, so does my happiness with it. If I’m happy as long as I’m in a relationship, then the moment I’m single, I cease to be happy.

Joy is different. Joy is an assurance, a steadfastness, being immovable in the knowledge that everything is going to be alright. This kind of joy is only possible through knowledge of the One in whom there is assurance: Christ.

Oddly, joy is more natural than depression, anxiety, worry, doubt, or fear. It’s who God is. When you choose to have relationship with God through Christ, you choose everything that comes with Him. You marry (figuratively and spiritually) yourself to Him and the two of you become one.

Similarly, when you are friends with someone, the two of you begin to share the same vocabulary, ideals, and gestures. When you accept Christ, you begin to share in who He is.  “Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Romans 8:17).  What is Christ’s is ours. (What’s mine is yours. What’s your is mine. Marriage.)

Joy is a result of that relationship. Peace is a result of that relationship. Patience is a product of that relationship. Galatians 5:22 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” 

Christ teaches that we will go through difficult times (John 16:33). Don’t marry yourself to your pain. It’s not a healthy relationship. It doesn’t serve you the way a husband and wife serve each other in marriage. It only weighs you down. Nevertheless, realize you will experience pain, but remember what the outcome ought to be. It’s there to perfect your faith.

For further study: 2 Timothy 1:7, John 16:33, Romans 8

Happy reading!

Over and out.

 

*I do not own the rights to or the featured photo. I made small edits for the sake of the post.*

10 Things To Know About Me

I never know what to say when someone asks me to tell them about myself. Technically, no one asked me; but y’all gone learn today!

This feels strange.

I never know what to say when someone asks me to tell them about myself. Technically, no one asked me; but y’all gone learn today! Normally, when someone asks me to talk about myself, I stick to things that are safe; things that don’t require much vulnerability. I won’t promise I’ll spill my entire heart today; but I’ll share some things about me (10 things to be exact).

I’ve got to at least introduce myself at some point.

Hi! My name is Darveiye Michel Flemming (We can talk about the pronunciation another time). I’m the creator of this blog, Sensible Fool. How ever you’ve found your way here, thank you. I appreciate every like, comment, share, question, and critique. It means a lot. So, thank you for your support!

Leggo.

1. I grew up with 2 older brothers and 4 younger sisters; all of which names start with ‘D.’ (Durell, Diante, Darveiye, DeShara, Danielle, Drew, and Destiny) Shout out to y’all! Y’all are the best.

2. I was born in Chicago. However, honestly, I don’t really claim Chi-town like that. I’m an Okie.

3. I began my relationship with Christ when I was 5. It’s a beautiful story. I’ll have to tell it on here one day.

4. I went through a few lengthy periods of atheism in which I genuinely believed God wasn’t real.

5. My favorite colors are blue and green. I believe they’re the most natural beautiful colors.

6. I play keys and guitar. Music has always been a passion of mine; worship moreso.

7. I speak English and Spanish; and a little bit of a lot of different languages. Entonces, si hable español, háblame para que yo podría practicar. ¡Besos!

8. I love film. I often have very spirited discussions about it. So, be prepared.

9. My favorite animals are tigers and great white sharks. I plan to swim with sharks at some point in my life. Sharks are also another subject you can prepare to get into an argument with me. Don’t ask. Or do. The choice is yours.

10. I teach precious immigrant and refugee children English as a second language. It’s incredibly rewarding and challenging. They keep me laughing and constantly asking myself, “what the heck is going on?”

11. BONUS. I’ve danced hip-hop for the majority of my life. Don’t ask me to show you a move though. I tend to get a little shy for some strange reason.

Anyway, those are just a few fun facts about me. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Please comment some fun facts about yourself. I’d love to hear who’s reading these posts.

Happy reading!

Over and out.

Forgive But Never Forget Pt. 2

We want to know that if we forgive someone, they’ll never do it again. We want to know that if we forgive someone, they’ll spend so much time “making it up to us.” There is no “making it up” in forgiveness. Forgiveness removes the very requirement to “make it up” or “pay the debt.”

Let’s get back to it. Shall we?

If you have not read Part 1, I suggest you do so before reading this post. It may help you better understand. Find it here: Forgive But Never Forget.

In Part 1, we learned the meaning of forgiveness in the Biblical sense. Webster’s Dictionary says it means, “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender); pardon; to give up resentment of or claim to requital; and to grant relief from payment of.” That’s a very interesting take on forgiveness. We can work with that.

You know, it’s funny. We could know the definition of forgiveness and still not feel prepared to forgive. First thing’s first: we don’t have to feel like forgiving someone. It’s a choice. Secondly, there are various hindrances (obstacles) to forgiveness. We’ll explore one of them in this post. It may be yours.

One of the hindrances to forgiveness is having the wrong ideology. 

Many of us are so hurt when someone commits an offence against us because we believe we’d never do that if we were them . Truthfully, many of us are right. We’d never do what they did under those same circumstances. However, sometimes it takes a different set of circumstances for us to commit the same kind of offence.

During my freshman year of college, our university’s president, Dr. Mark Rutland, said something that completely changed my life. He said (this is as accurate as I can remember), “Every human being is capable of committing the most heinous act.” He went on to explain that while people may have to be motivated by different things, they are capable of doing the same terrible thing.

You may say, “I would never cheat on someone.” The reality is: you have the capacity to cheat in a relationship. While they may have cheated on you because they were bored or manipulative, you may cheat because you feel neglected. See? Same offence. Different motivations. Realizing that we too are capable of doing what someone did to us can help forgiveness and grace (we need to talk about that; another time perhaps) to overwhelm our hearts.

“Well, I haven’t cheated before! Never in my life!” You’re right. You may not have. However, consider that it may be simply because you’ve not been presented with the right opportunity and the right motivation. Just something to think about…

This idea works in tandem with this increasingly popular phrase, “don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.” “But Darveiye, I didn’t do anything as bad as they did! I’ve never done what they did!” This is part of the problem. We ascribe levels to sin and conveniently our sin is never really “that bad.” We can easily find justification for our every deed. We struggle to forgive because we see their sin differently than our own. 

For example, many of us may see someone having premarital sex (sex outside of marriage) as being worse than the “little white lie” we told. To God, it’s all sin. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).”

This means everyone is inclined to sin and cannot meet God’s standard of righteousness on their own (this is why Christ came). We are all born with a sinful nature that yearns to do what is contrary to the nature of the God who created us. This is important because it means no matter whether you lie, cheat, or murder, we’re ALL in need of grace and forgiveness. There’s that word again.

Grace. It sounds so pretty; but it’s messy, profound, and reckless. See, God didn’t wait until we got our act together to reconcile us back to Himself. He didn’t wait for a 90-day money-back guarantee. He did it while we were still in our mess. “For God demonstrates His love toward us; in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).” The Bible talks about the fact that people will rarely die for a good man, let alone a bad one. Yet, God didn’t need our guarantee when He made the decision to rescue us.

That’s another hindrance to forgiveness: we want a guarantee. We want to know that if we forgive someone, they’ll never do it again. We want to know that if we forgive someone, they’ll spend so much time “making it up to us.” There is no “making it up” in forgiveness. Forgiveness removes the very requirement to “make it up” or “pay the debt.”

Some questions to ponder…

Do you have the courage to forgive someone today even if you’re not sure they’ll change their ways?  Will you forgive them even if they didn’t think they needed your forgiveness? Will you forgive them while they’re still in their mess? It doesn’t mean you have to go back to the same level of intimacy you once shared with that person; but will you forgive? Will you let go?

There are many other hindrances to forgiveness that I’d like to explore. So, stay tuned for another post in the very near future!

Before you go, I’d like to say (type) a prayer over you.

Father,

I thank You for being good even when we’re not. Thank You for being good even when the world around us is not. God, thank you for forgiving us. Give us the strength and peace to forgive those who have hurt us. Help us see how we have hurt others. Heal us from the pain. Make us new again.

In Yeshua’s (Jesus) Name,

Amen.

 

Happy Reading!

Over and out.

 

*I do not own (the rights to) the featured photo.

Why I Started A Blog

The following is what I was going to write as my first blog post. My computer crashed and I lost access to all of my blog posts. Since then, I have changed the name to “sensible fool.” However, I believe the following still embodies the purpose of this blog. So read on. Por favor.

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So…I’m starting a blog. It’s been a long time coming, but I wanted to wait until I was certain I was doing it for the right reason and that it would be ultimately beneficial in the lives of my future readers. I’m aware many people are not surprised by my move to this. “Darveiye, you have so much to say, you should start a blog!” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say that…

I’d have three dollas and some change (at least 27 cents).

Needless to say, I never thought having a lot to say was a good enough reason to start a blog. One. Some things are better left unsaid. Two. It can cause a person to believe they are the final authority on certain issues. Three. It’s ultimately self-destructive to think of yourself that way; which leads me to the purpose for this blog. I’m sure you caught the bi-line.

“Introspection per His direction…”

But whatever does it mean? Introspection, in essence, is the practice of self-observation. ‘His’ or ‘Him’ is God; thereby meaning God is the very lens by which we look within ourselves. Additionally, we adjust ourselves according to what He says and He requires. Secondly:

Raising the standard.

I have found, as have many of you, if we continue to do the same things over and over again, we remain exactly where we started. There are things to be done in this world that have never been done and we will never get them done doing the same thing over and over. Ask Einstein.

Given my track record, one or more of these blog posts will offend you. Heck, I offend myself as I’m writing them. But that’s not always a bad thing. If we’re never offended, we’re never challenged to grow. And if we’re never challenged to grow, we won’t change. And if we don’t change, the world around us remains the same. And by the looks of it, that’s not really an option.

So yes. I’m starting a blog and it’s about each and every one of us. The purpose is to challenge us all to inspect and adjust ourselves before we attempt to do the same to others. History shows us that real change happens when the faces in the mirror are changed first! But remember, this isn’t about becoming ‘good’ people. The world has enough of those. There’s good in all of us. But good isn’t always God even though God is always good.

So let’s be introspective. But let’s not leave out the second half. It’s for us to live the way He says we should. So we seek Him.

I hope you enjoy reading as we journey together as sensible fools in a senseless world.

 

Thanks for reading!

Be blessed.

Over and Out.