Relationships – Page 2 – SENSIBLE FOOL

That Time John Boyega Proposed to Me

“I need to marry whoever that is! I am SOLD.”

This is a true story. (I’ve got the receipts).

It all started on a calm brooding Tuesday in December. It was getting dark. I was at the bus station. Waiting. Patiently. I scrolled through my various feeds of my social media.

I receive a notification from Twitter. Two, to be exact. An angel sent by GOD (s/o to David @khaorisen) followed me on Twitter and @-ed (not sure if that’s how you’re supposed to write it, don’t judge me) me. By the way, I don’t know David personally. He had no reason to know John Boyega is my celebrity crush. [If for some reason you don’t know who he is, he’s a brilliant actor and stars in the recent installments of the iconic Star Wars series].

His tweet read:

I was confused because I didn’t recall tweeting anything to John Boyega. However, when I saw the title of the video link he sent, my heart dropped. Even though I didn’t remember having done anything of the sort, I knew there HAD to be some truth to it.

I began pacing as I waited for the video to load. I didn’t care AT ALL how ridiculous I must’ve looked. As the video began playing, I began repeating absurd comments to myself like, “oh my gosh,” “oh shoot,” oh dang,” “oh my God,” “oh shoot God-dang,” “this is happening” (heck, I didn’t even know what was happening)!

I walked outside as the video was playing and only got louder. I continued pacing. Half jumping. Half jogging. Burning calories. You know how it is.

Then IT happened. Yes. It. Happened. At 1:24 into the video, I saw it. My name and picture from my INSTAGRAM PROFILE POPPED UP ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SCREEN!

John’s beautiful co-star, Kelly Marie Tran(hey girl, hey!), began reading. My post read:

“I CANNOT keep scrolling every day and seeing some picture of FINNEEE picture of JOhn Boyega. It’s literally not good for my heart. I just rolled my eyes so hard. Like God, why? Why would You make such a beautiful creation as this? I’m being dramatic. Lol. But, seriously. You’re good at what you do. May God continue to bless you in ALL that you do as you remain faithful to Him. To GOD Be the Glory!”

My heart and my soul.

It’s funny really. I wrote that comment on August 8, 2017. As I was writing it, I remember thinking, “It doesn’t even matter. He’s never going to see this. Hundreds of girls post on his pictures every day. He’s not going to see your ONE comment. Just let it out!”

Man…..

I let it out alright! I added something a bit more serious at the end in the event that he did see it. I do seriously appreciate him as an actor and desire for him to do well. Therefore, I find it important to pray for celebrities you like or are drawn to. It’s not easy being in the public eye like that.

Anyway, I do remember sensing that somehow he was going to see it. I brushed off the feeling though.

‘Cause I mean, “How? How fam? How was he gonna see my one comment in a million comments?” The odds were very slim. I just HAD to be extra that day to where someone at Teen Vogue thought, “Yea, this one is great. Let’s do this one.” S/o to Teen Vogue for that by the way! Y’all real.

The story isn’t done though.

As Mr. Boyega (that’s what I like to call him) listened to my silly, rachet comment, he had a PLETHORA of facial expressions. I don’t even know how to feel about it. Neither did he, so it seems! Take a look below.

Disgust?

What is dis oh?

Oh my Gosh!

I’m a Naija boy, but I do blush from time to time.

She said that?

What???

Delight?

Yea… He looked like he had gone through the five stages of grief. The last one looks like acceptance. Just sayin’. Speaking of acceptance…

Here’s his proposal that I accepted.

His words, not mine. “I need to marry whoever that is! I am SOLD.” Me too Boyega, me too.

While this is a funny and COMPLETELY true-ish story, I did get something out of it. I was in an interesting place emotionally when David from Twitter reached out to tell me about this video. (Also, many others reached out on Instragram, Facebook, AND Twitter. Thank you guys too!)

It reminded me that oftentimes what seems impossible IS possible. What seems least likely, CAN happen. God takes care of details. God cares about the small stuff and the big stuff. He sees YOU. He never sleeps. He never leaves. He never forsakes. When we forget about the promise or give up on it, God doesn’t. Disclaimer: I’m not saying God is trying to put us together. I’m just a clown. I’m saying the chances of this happening were very slim to none. & I’m grateful it did happen! It made me smile on a not so great day.

Granted, there is nothing inherently spiritual about this situation, but it reminded me of how small I am and how big God is.

Oh and here’s the kicker. I wore my Chewbacca shirt to work that day!

I hope you enjoyed this story! If for some reason you need more evidence or just want to watch the video; in the words of Bruno Mars, “don’t believe me, just watch.”

Be sure to check out my most recent posts:

What a Broken Heart Will Heal: https://sensiblefoolblog.wordpress.com/2018/03/01/what-a-broken-heart-will-heal/

Ctrl, Alt, Del: https://sensiblefoolblog.wordpress.com/2018/03/05/ctrl-alt-del/

Happy reading!

See you next time!

Over & out.

What a Broken Heart Will Heal

“I’d begun to believe God wasn’t good because something that wasn’t good was happening to me. I began to believe God owed me some sort of compensation for the pain He allowed me to go through or the pain He led me TO.”

This is perhaps my most vulnerable post yet. I typically avoid being publicly vulnerable for various reasons. I’d much rather show people the finished product and talk about the pain as a thing of the past. I will refrain from that today.

I’m going through something right now. Don’t get me wrong. Everything is pretty good. I’M going through something in ME. I’m being exposed to the beautiful and disgusting parts of who I am. I’ve never been this honest with myself about the messed up parts of me as I have in the last three years. This is so disruptive for someone who many thought was ideal to emulate and strived to be PERFECT all the time.

One deeply seeded issue I’ve discovered about myself is that I truly need an overhaul on my perception of God. I’ve gone through a lot of heartache and pain over the last 7+ years. The heartaches and heartbreaks seemed to come one after another. They were not all related to relationships, though some were.

In the process of healing from or suppressing these situations, I’d begun to believe God wasn’t good because something that wasn’t good was happening to me. I began to believe God owed me some sort of compensation for the pain He allowed me to go through or the pain He led me TO. Many believe because God is good that He’d never intentionally lead you to go through some painful experiences. Personally, I don’t believe this. It’s difficult theology to grapple with, but I believe that.

One verse in the Bible that supports this idea that God’s will for us may involve pain in order to reach purpose is Hebrews 5:8. It says, “Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.” Additionally, we understand that Jesus was aware that He’d have to intentionally go to an environment in which He’d have suffer. “From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. (Matt. 16:21).”

Disclaimer: While I believe God allows AND leads us to go through painful experiences, this does not mean all pain is caused by God for the sake of His purpose for us. I do believe ALL pain CAN BE USED for the fulfillment of your purpose. So, be encouraged.

The reason I’m writing this blog is to be honest. I want to be honest about the fact that we will go through hard things, things we don’t think we’ll make it through. I’m writing to encourage someone who has experienced something that was/is painful.

There is good that comes from a broken heart. There is life that comes from a broken heart. There is healing that only comes once your heart has been broken. Many would say, “I wouldn’t need healing if I’d never been broken.” Touché. You also wouldn’t know God’s a healer if your heart had never been broken.

Truthfully, you’ll never really know God for who He truly is unless you go through some things.

I don’t want anyone who reads this to receive this as some mastered point of view of life after pain or some obligatory encouragement. I’m still healing from things and discovering that which I’ve yet to heal from.

I have found myself saying, “I don’t want to go through any more pain. I’m tired of good things coming into my life and leaving no sooner than they came. I’m tired of heartache.” These are my exact words from an entry in my journal. I’m extremely pensive today as I have been reflecting on this sentiment. In the process of me thinking about my relationship with pain and my desire to be healed, I realized that there were more things I’ve healed from than I thought. I’m much more whole than I realized. I’m more complete than I thought. There have been small and big victories along the way that I never celebrated or thanked God for.

Some important nuggets to take away from this post:

God will honor your desire to be healed and whole. He may not do it the way you’d like Him to, but He’s at work.
God is good even when life around you is not.
God doesn’t owe you for the pain you’ve suffered, but He’ll restore anyway. For He is good.
“One of the best gifts God could ever give you is a hard life.” –Young Noah
God is good AND just. He’s more concerned about your healing, wholeness, and holiness than you ever will be.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor are your ways my ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

I have not yet mastered all that is presented in this post. I’m still meditating on it and figuring out how to be consistent in my application of it to my life. If you’d like to talk about anything you’re going through, please message me on Facebook or comment on this post.

*I do not own the rights to the featured picture.

3 Reasons We Hate Being Single

It’s about that time. We see it almost every day. Log into Facebook and you’re bound to see it SOMEWHERE on your timeline. “So-and-so is in a relationship with So-and-so.” Sometimes you catch yourself thinking ‘how could THEY possibly be in a relationship’ and not you. I mean, “I’m good looking right? I’m funny too! I’m smart!”

It’s no secret you want to be in a relationship. You probably feel you DESERVE to be in one. Maybe you do. But before you take that plunge, let’s examine why you’re having a hard time being single.

As I tell people all the time, a lot of the time, it’s not about WHAT you feel but WHY you feel it. Here are some reasons you may hate being single and shouldn’t.

You hate being alone.

I don’t know about you, but many of my friends have expressed this sentiment. While I am more than okay with being “alone” physically, I feel the effects from time to time. Aside from the fact that many of us are extroverts(people who get energy from being around people), we hate being alone because we don’t trust ourselves with our own thoughts. Being alone requires us to deal with our issues. The issues aren’t always deep. Even the small ones can seem like a drag to deal with. We want someone to help distract us from it all.

What you need to do: Practice being alone and content. Be honest with yourself about YOU. Deal with those issues. Being in a relationship will not magically make them disappear. It will only amplify them. Deal with it now.

You focus on what you don’t have.

Have you ever uttered, “at least you have someone.” I know I have. We place romantic relationships on such a ridiculously high pedestal. What we’re really saying is, “nothing in your life is really THAT bad, because you have someone.” This is far more insensitive and naïve than we realize. We forget what being in a relationship requires of us and what singleness allows. A relationship is a priority and requires WORK. Singleness requires work, but of a different kind.

If you can’t think of any good things afforded through singleness, allow me to assist you. When you are single, you have freedom to come and go as you please. You (mostly) have only your issues to navigate through. There is even an emotional freedom. You don’t have someone else’s actions dictating your emotions. THAT’S freedom. These are just a few of the things being single allows. There are many more and I’m sure if you thought about it, you’d find many more.

Unfortunately, we approach singleness as a “purgatory” before we reach our eternal destination. It’s no wonder any of us can truly enjoy our singleness. We’re always WAITING for life to begin as though life cannot be found before or outside of marriage (relationships). This leads me to my final reason.

You’re not whole.

There is no reason to be ashamed of the past and the baggage you may have picked up in the process. We’ve all got a story. However, please understand, until you are WHOLE, you are not much good to anyone.

Wholeness is a condition in which one is healthily self-sufficient and uses relationships properly for their good and the good of others. Many of us know we’re not whole. Instead of going through the tough process of searching our hearts for fears, doubts, anxieties, trust issues, we look to another to fill in gaps created from previous hurts.

Why is this a problem? It’s a simple principle.

50% plus 50% equals 0%.

How can this be Darveiye? What type of math are you working with? According to relationship math, that’s how it works.

If you and the person you are with are not whole (i.e. 50%), one person has to be completely poured out in order for the other to reach 100%. You’re only as good as your weakest link. The person who has to pour EVERYTHING out for the sake of the other will develop animosities, false identity, and neglect self-care. This will ultimately ruin the relationship or allow the two of you to maintain a dysfunctional relationship. Either way, it’s ‘no bueno’ from here.

What’s the right math? 100% plus 100% equals 100%.

If both of you have reached a state of wholeness, you can properly assist each other in improving and fulfilling your individual and collective purposes.

REMEDY: Wait. Be whole. However, take the proper steps in figuring out how you can be a healthy individual WITH or WITHOUT a relationship. Singleness isn’t a punishment, but a gift. An opportunity to blossom and KNOW yourself! We don’t know how much of a blessing that is until we watch our identity slowly slipping away into the hands of a relationship. So enjoy where you are now for however long you’re there!

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this and I hope it helps!