Have you ever wondered: why do I do things the way I do? Why do I behave the way I do? Why do I want what I want? Why do I hate what I hate? Unbeknownst to you, your family life taught you belief systems that lead to behaviors which define our cycles.
Our family is the context in which we learn how to see the world and ourselves. Our day to day life experiences provide a lens through which we see every situation. This means I believe I have a certain role to play in society and will intuitively behave according to this. This is reinforced in every situation and can explain the source of my perspective.
If my role has been to be the responsible one in every situation, I will require responsibility on my part — whether or not I actually should. This will be the dynamic of one of my cycles.
Ideally, the family ought to cultivate healthy cycles from an identity of wholeness. For example, if a child receives unconditional love, the child grows up with a positive perspective of self and can reflect that in the world through his or her cycles. Your cycles are what define and determine your life.
A child grows into an adult who will behave based on the role or identity they were given. If the child has been trained to see every situation as negative or to see themselves as a victim, then they will behave accordingly. This is crippling. It will almost seem as if they have no choice but to behave as a victim.
Yes. We have free will. However, our free will does not magically supersede behavioral cycles we have not yet challenged. Meaning: a person will always do what they’ve been conditioned to do until they question the validity of the belief system.
We must identify our family’s belief systems. What patterns exist in our families? What identities are cultivated in our families? Are these healthy? Which are destructive? Which, if channeled properly, become productive?
We talk about breaking generational curses without knowing what a curse is or how to break them. Failure in breaking generational curses is due to a hyper-spiritualization of them.
A generational curse is not a spell your family is under. It cannot and is not prayed away. It has to be wrestled with–contended if you will. How does one contend with a curse? What does it mean to be cursed? So glad you asked.
In the Torah, we read YAH laying out laws, commands, and statutes. Many of them begin with, “If you do ______, I will do ______.” “If you do ______, you will be blessed.” “If you do ____, you will be cursed.”
Many of us read these phrases as life’s cheat codes or spells that allows us to get YAH to do what we want. It’s a bit more complicated than that, yet so simple.
YAH created the universe and everything within it and designed it to operate according to laws and principles–from which no one is exempt. The Torah is Him detailing these ideas. If you can observe and apply these principles, you will see the natural product of them (blessing). If you do not observe (obey) and apply these principles, there will be a natural product as well.
Being cursed is a natural restricting when humans behave against the grain of the principles which govern our existence. Picture a plant. If it is not receiving what it needs, it starts to die. It must be pruned. A curse is a like a pruning–necessary when a plant is not receiving what it needs. A curse restricts, isolates–in order that the plant be able to receive what it truly needs.
We’ve made blessings and cursing so mystical, when they are as natural as the oxygen we breathe.
From where I stand, a curse has three parts. It has the cause, effect, and the remedy. Take my family for example
The women in my family have often grown up without strong, present, and loving fathers. This shaped them to be combative, distrusting, and resilient.
The cause would be the lack of strong leadership in the home. The effect would be the qualities the women have exhibited. The remedy would be going through the process of learning the true standard, challenging our identity, and being prepared to be covered.
We treat curses as though they are punishment. Being cursed, from a Hebraic standpoint, is the path you’d have to take toward wholeness. Being cursed does not stop at what went wrong. The restriction moves us toward provision of what we lacked in the first place. This process would be incomplete if it were simply an affliction imposed upon us due to someone’s mistake. Instead, YAH has ensured a way of escape. He’s ensured that, though cursed for a time, there is a way to shalom (salvation, peace, wholeness).
If there is a pattern or characteristic in your family, inquire about it. Find its roots. If the children are being supplied something healthy, they will give out what is good. If the children are being supplied something unhealthy, they will exhibit unhealthy behaviors and characteristics. The trick is being able to identify what YAH sees as healthy and unhealthy.
How do you start the process of determining your family’s generational curses? First, you can observe and examine your own perspectives, behaviors, and qualities. Then, you can observe if these are also present in your family members. Determine why you or others developed these patterns.
One more thing: it can be difficult to identify these things in ourselves and our family. Typically, when there has been a lack for so long, we find ways to make do, to plug holes, to fill up space so that the gaping hole is no longer observable. Therefore, it will require us to slow down and be vulnerable with our family members.
Nine times out of ten, YAH has already attempted to reveal to you or others that something is unhealthy within your family system. We have to be sensitive to these moments. They do not simply come as tension or fights at holiday gatherings. They come when we discover deficiencies within ourselves. When we have discomfort about certain things. When we find ourselves overreacting. They come when we’re at work. They come when we feel incredibly unconfident. They come when we overcompensate.
All of these moments point to something. We just have to be walking slow enough to hear.