This is perhaps my most vulnerable post yet. I typically avoid being publicly vulnerable for various reasons. I’d much rather show people the finished product and talk about the pain as a thing of the past. I will refrain from that today.
I’m going through something right now. Don’t get me wrong. Everything is pretty good. I’M going through something in ME. I’m being exposed to the beautiful and disgusting parts of who I am. I’ve never been this honest with myself about the messed up parts of me as I have in the last three years. This is so disruptive for someone who many thought was ideal to emulate and strived to be PERFECT all the time.
One deeply seeded issue I’ve discovered about myself is that I truly need an overhaul on my perception of God. I’ve gone through a lot of heartache and pain over the last 7+ years. The heartaches and heartbreaks seemed to come one after another. They were not all related to relationships, though some were.
In the process of healing from or suppressing these situations, I’d begun to believe God wasn’t good because something that wasn’t good was happening to me. I began to believe God owed me some sort of compensation for the pain He allowed me to go through or the pain He led me TO. Many believe because God is good that He’d never intentionally lead you to go through some painful experiences. Personally, I don’t believe this. It’s difficult theology to grapple with, but I believe that.
One verse in the Bible that supports this idea that God’s will for us may involve pain in order to reach purpose is Hebrews 5:8. It says, “Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.” Additionally, we understand that Jesus was aware that He’d have to intentionally go to an environment in which He’d have suffer. “From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. (Matt. 16:21).”
Disclaimer: While I believe God allows AND leads us to go through painful experiences, this does not mean all pain is caused by God for the sake of His purpose for us. I do believe ALL pain CAN BE USED for the fulfillment of your purpose. So, be encouraged.
The reason I’m writing this blog is to be honest. I want to be honest about the fact that we will go through hard things, things we don’t think we’ll make it through. I’m writing to encourage someone who has experienced something that was/is painful.
There is good that comes from a broken heart. There is life that comes from a broken heart. There is healing that only comes once your heart has been broken. Many would say, “I wouldn’t need healing if I’d never been broken.” Touché. You also wouldn’t know God’s a healer if your heart had never been broken.
Truthfully, you’ll never really know God for who He truly is unless you go through some things.
I don’t want anyone who reads this to receive this as some mastered point of view of life after pain or some obligatory encouragement. I’m still healing from things and discovering that which I’ve yet to heal from.
I have found myself saying, “I don’t want to go through any more pain. I’m tired of good things coming into my life and leaving no sooner than they came. I’m tired of heartache.” These are my exact words from an entry in my journal. I’m extremely pensive today as I have been reflecting on this sentiment. In the process of me thinking about my relationship with pain and my desire to be healed, I realized that there were more things I’ve healed from than I thought. I’m much more whole than I realized. I’m more complete than I thought. There have been small and big victories along the way that I never celebrated or thanked God for.
Some important nuggets to take away from this post:
- God will honor your desire to be healed and whole. He may not do it the way you’d like Him to, but He’s at work.
- God is good even when life around you is not.
- God doesn’t owe you for the pain you’ve suffered, but He’ll restore anyway. For He is good.
- “One of the best gifts God could ever give you is a hard life.” –Young Noah
- God is good AND just. He’s more concerned about your healing, wholeness, and holiness than you ever will be.
- “For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor are your ways my ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
I have not yet mastered all that is presented in this post. I’m still meditating on it and figuring out how to be consistent in my application of it to my life. If you’d like to talk about anything you’re going through, please message me on Facebook or comment on this post.
*I do not own the rights to the featured picture.